3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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