Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
