I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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