If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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