guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
