But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
