Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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