Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
