wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
