i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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