dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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