Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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