Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
