So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
