Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
