Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
