Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I deserve this hangover.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
