Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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