Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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