Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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