someone get that fucking seahorse.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
