it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
