I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
what day is it and did you see me today?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
