I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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