I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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