420 ftw
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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