you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
