It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
