you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
