I could make wine with my vomit
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
