i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Two words: blizzard sex
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
