So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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