Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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