sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
