I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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