pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
