I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
