So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
