If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
