After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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