2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
