I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
