Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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