you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
