....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
two words: eviction party
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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