how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
