He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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