I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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