My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
