Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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