the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
try to milk me bitch
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