you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
All the doctor said was why
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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