i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
