My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
