i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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