I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
