This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
how drunk are you?
Several
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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