there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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