It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My feet surprised me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
