I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
